I nearly saturated my pants reading it--I literally had tears in my eyes
My hats off to Matt Ferratusco, our Patter editor for putting together that hilarious, comedic gem

My reaction: -- then

they got me

I was suckered in....But I still have the OE exhaust.

OK for those of us who don't live anywhere near Florida, can you give us the digest version?

I'll e-mail the author & have him forward it to me, so we can all enjoy it.

It would have worked fine for me. I still have cats and exhaust and run street tires!

You guys are killing me!!! I assume this is an April Fool's Edition?

Matt & I were playing around on e-mail w/ false 'Onion' type stories, so I came up w/ this one:

In other related breaking news, Ferrari just announced it will discontinue their signature, but ubiquitous 'Rossa' or Red color schemes on all production models effective immediately. This will also bleed(no pun intended) over to their F1 &SportsCar programs.
The replacement color? The dazzling Olive Garden Green, made famous by the 575 Maranello and LMP 675 SportsRacers, both campaigned in the ALMS series.
No official word as of yet explaining this stupifying departure; but it is rumored that Ferrari boss Luca Cordero di Montezemolo's new 21 year-old, American bride(who was also a former exotic-entertainer) said that she: "hates red, and that the Olive Garden car looks really cool--ALL Ferrari's should be green like that..."
Shocking news indeed...

For your reading pleasure...


For immediate release

The Martin Sports Car Club has announced this week a series of controversial rule changes. The changes were made in an effort to improve the environmental friendliness of autocrossing. In recent months, MSCC has been working closely with SCCA’s Department of Environmental Partnerships & Alliances to create an environmentally-safe package. The SCCA is expected to announce similar changes in the coming weeks, however MSCC felt it needed to take immediate action.

The first of the new rules is the elimination of aftermarket exhaust upgrades. From this point forward, to compete in MSCC events, cars must carry the complete factory exhaust system. “Pollution is a growing concern,” cited MSCC President George Bonafede. “As a leader in the motorsports community, we have an ethical responsibility to preserve the cleanliness of our planet.” Cars must be equipped with a catalytic converter, resonator, and muffler all in proper working condition.

To police the new requirements, a form of emissions inspection will be integrated into tech inspection. During tech, cars will now be checked for proper functioning catalytic converters and factory exhaust. “We feel an obligation to uphold the law considering we hold our events at a law enforcement training facility,” stated Bob Palmblad, MSCC’s Vice President and Technical Director. “It’s a win-win situation—we earn brownie points and retain our event site, while the rest of society benefits from a tidy planet.”

In similar fashion to the IRS tax credits awarded to owners of hydrogen-powered vehicles, MSCC has decided to grant discounts on membership and entry fees to owners of hybrid vehicles. Mark Stockbridge, Events Director for MSCC, is excited about the hybrid plan. “This is great! We’ll see an epic movement of hybrid vehicles! This is truly going to change the face of autocrossing as we know it!”

Chris Wells, MSCC Secretary and club photographer, is eager to capture the hybrid action on film. “I can’t wait to snap the hybrids with my cool new camera! The best part is I’ll get kickbacks for selling my photos to the manufacturers as part of their new advertising campaigns. It’s the new wave in motorsports.”

The next rule change is the elimination of race tires. “Rubber is a limited resource,” says Bonafede, “and race tires are a waste of rubber. Therefore we’re abolishing sticky rubber. Besides, they make up for lack of driver skill. Putting all drivers on street tires will separate the men from the boys.”

The most shocking change comes in response to the nation-wide gas crisis. MSCC has removed the GT class and its cars from competition. “The world’s fossil fuel supply is nearly depleted,” explained Bonafede. “These big Detroit V8s are only making a bad situation worse. Their fuel efficiency is unacceptable. We’re left with no choice but to remove them from competition and do away with the GT class.” Cars eliminated from competition include the Ford Mustang, Chevrolet Camaro, and Pontiac Firebird & Trans-Am. When asked why the Corvette wasn’t included, Bonafede said, “The Corvette is an icon in motorsports. Repercussions could be devastating if we pulled it from competition. Besides, it’s safer than the GT cars.”

Safety was also cited as a reason for eliminating the GT class. Bob Palmblad comments, “The GT cars are unsafe anyway. The brakes and suspension cannot keep up with the massive horsepower. At least the Vettes are up to the task. Anyways, I think everyone should drive a Miata.”

The rule changes are effective immediately and will be enforced beginning with MSCC’s April Mini Prix at Gainesville Raceway. MSCC officials are excited about the changes. “We want to move in a different direction,” explained Jacki Green, MSCC Treasurer. “We’re not like other clubs, and this proves our independence. It’s a power thing!” April fools!

You guys are ! That was VERY funny. I think I'll propose the same thing to Tarheel!!!

I had a ton of fun writing that article! I was practically rolling on the floor as I was proofreading it! Maybe I'll post the article that started it all, when I get a chance.

BTW, the smilies on this forum totally rock!

Great article Matt. If you don't mind, I posted it on the Tarheel Sports Car Club forums. Should get some great responses from them.

Cool beans! Can you provide the link?

I thought it was great. I would love to race you guys on street tires - to separate the men from the boys!

Sorry Matt. Unfortunately THSCC's forums are for club members only. But they disappointed me anyway. One post from a rally racer saying that they have to do alot of that stuff already (exhaust temps immediately after finish line to see if you are using a cat, spill kits to clean up the environment, tech inspection looking for cats and noise levels, etc.) and one post about what autocross will look like in the future with the onset of hybrids. Boring stuff really. My fellow club members really let me down.

Oh well, thanks anyway!

And don't forget about that cover photo!!!

You mean after I reinstalled the stock exhaust and street tires it was a joke?

Now you're fooling, right?
Who is this? SCZ06? Could it be Dave2???

It had me going until I got to the part about no GT class.

Dave

It had me going until April Fool.

It doesn't take much to have you going!

Don't quit your day job.

It had me going until the race rubber section when I was like wait a minute. When I was reading the exhaust section I'm sitting there thinking hooray I've got to find my stock Y pipe & cat or I won't be going to Gainesville. I like the part where George says that the Corvette is an American icon so it won't be included with the rest of the GT cars.

I'll skip that offer. I can't compete with my 1/4 horsepower car...

I read backwards (from my Black Sabbath LP days). I knew about it immediately